turning a new leaf

Along came another exam result.. and i got a ticket to move up to post graduation.. after much ado, i have chosen Anesthesia.. why?

the morale is questionable.. money is good.. working atmosphere is also quite fine.. the risky nature of this field makes it a bit less favoured in the high rank circles..

yet, i chose this clinical speciality with much eagerness.. hopeful of a new bright future..

getting thru yet another exam has made me feel so relaxed that i have begun to understand my hidden dragons are getting unleashed slowly.. a lot of pent up hatred and lost hopes are smouldering in my heart.. if i let go of the strings this fierce rage would consume everything i once loved and cared for..

betrayal of trust is such a trigger for me.. it unplugs my bottled up anger and ignites the ammunition within..

i have begun to fear this wild beast within me.. and i increasingly feel the need to tie up all the loose ends..

so people .. beware.. coz i am dangerous.. you could get hurt..

adios

The Break (Up)

2013 was eventful..

so wat?

well its 2015 now so almost anybody feeling nostalgic at this moment could only be thinking of the beautiful 2014.. its ups and downs.. achievements and failures.. 

but 2013 was a year i thought i had have wanted to forget but it isnt.. 

it is a year of bold choices.. for me and my family.. we both took a decision and that turned out to be the best kept new year resolution ever..

coz its still running in 2015.. its good to know how strong oneself is for a change.. and to remember how bad it is to forget to count one's blessings by lamenting over the lost past.. 

as i penned here before 2 yrs ago, the memories of the past has got itself shaken nad shovelled through lanes i dare not revisit, and has been tampered with by too many sour events... but it has rearranged itself into a new memory and rewriting my understanding of people and places...

for example there was a baker model house down the lane where i lived, and it used to bring me immense sadness thinking of the happy memories of my childhood days when 7 cousins of "M" used to play batman and wat not in its cosy interiors.. leaving M was not an event at all in my life bcoz unfortunately i never knew i was leaving it when i did.. i never got to say good bye.. so a part of my soul got torn off and left trapped in that place...  for a long time it pained me to see the part of me sitting in the empty hall, staring at the empty computer room, the empty cupboards and the bare kitchen with the old blue Kelvinator and looking out thru the small balcony at the flat jungle behind.. 

and then, one day.. that part of my soul just died  a slow peaceful death ... hypoxic ischemic something something..

now when i pass by M, i know it has ceased to be a ghost from the past and it doesnt torture me anymore to watch it grow smaller and smaller in the rear view mirror.. sometimes i see a little girl in light blue shirt and navy blue skirt with two plaits of hair tied with blue ribbons wave back at me.. the smile on her face shall keep me company in my journey forward..

horcruxes : one down, many more to go ;)

adios

happy new year 2015