october 17th is the day when i finally took a courageous step.. towards the practitioner of tomorrow.. i must confess i was the stupid girl alright, all pale and anxious like a child going to school for the first time.. more or less holding amma's hand i stepped in at the hallway of a college such as none others.. the college of real life and action.. a holy temple of service and love where i am to spend a while everyday under the guidance of a young yet accomplished forerunner and inturn, under the kind and tender blessings of a still higher authority..
i never dreamt this day would ever come and that i would have had the courage to actually take a step towards doing something in my power to enable myself to stand on my own feet.. i keep asking myself the same question.. what does it require to make myself more worthy of this unique opportunity, now that i have got myself this gig.. its funny though that after 5 yrs of beating abt the bush i finally saw the clearing and the river beyond which will take me forth to the promising future where i must build the journey itself.. and i am perplexed and quite terrified sometimes for i dont understand it.. i fear everything that i cant understand and i am sure to run away from anything that makes me feel trapped or confused.. but then i would have to run away from life itself right? indeed it seems all i do is to run away from any real commitment - in my mind, in my studies, in relationships and in life at large...
oh i wonder when my heart would dare to dream the dream that i dare not... spreading its wings my heart flies here and there and i am reluctant to cage it in human accomplishments.. the leap itself that i boast of today, may masked by yet another cowardly hesitation.. any day...
hmm.. what's to become of dreams!!
i never dreamt this day would ever come and that i would have had the courage to actually take a step towards doing something in my power to enable myself to stand on my own feet.. i keep asking myself the same question.. what does it require to make myself more worthy of this unique opportunity, now that i have got myself this gig.. its funny though that after 5 yrs of beating abt the bush i finally saw the clearing and the river beyond which will take me forth to the promising future where i must build the journey itself.. and i am perplexed and quite terrified sometimes for i dont understand it.. i fear everything that i cant understand and i am sure to run away from anything that makes me feel trapped or confused.. but then i would have to run away from life itself right? indeed it seems all i do is to run away from any real commitment - in my mind, in my studies, in relationships and in life at large...
oh i wonder when my heart would dare to dream the dream that i dare not... spreading its wings my heart flies here and there and i am reluctant to cage it in human accomplishments.. the leap itself that i boast of today, may masked by yet another cowardly hesitation.. any day...
hmm.. what's to become of dreams!!
There will be always some block or starting trouble while we transfer from the Academic to the professional life. I do remember those days.. when I was in final sem, used to imagine.. like.. 'where will I be after 1 year?' or 'Oh my god.. I am going to do a job and about to earn like my Dad after all....!!! But after 6 years.. I'm now thinking in reverse like 'how I was able to sit in a class room attending those lectures??!!' It's really funny, na?
ReplyDeleteayyo.. not funny at all.. i could give anything for going bk and learning wat i shud hav learned then... now working at this hospital and its killing job man... :)
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